She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
