I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
