the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Someone signed my nipple.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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