I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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