I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
