Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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