I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
