My liver just broke up with me...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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