yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
