Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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