i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
We got so high we made milksteak
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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