went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
