There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
40s are totally the cure
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
