So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
