my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
