There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
