he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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