I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
