I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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