mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize