The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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