I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
