toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Where is the hickey?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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