party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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