I like my sex mixed with concussions.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
