When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize