What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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