the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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