her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
