1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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