Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
