i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
