Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize