I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
