Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
