ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
