I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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