Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
