how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
