I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
