I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize