If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
