They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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