Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
