Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
