I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
