someone get that fucking seahorse.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
