he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
