i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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