Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
