Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
