U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
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I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
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A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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