Only a mothe r could love this liver
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
