i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
