mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
