Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
