Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
only if we run a train.
done.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
