Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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