I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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