I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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