I will die if light touches me.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
