I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
