I've blown a few things in my day
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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