Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
